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In his wonderful book "Lifesigns," Henri Nouwen talks about intimacy, fecundity, and ecstasy. The second chapter is titled, "Intimacy and Fear."
It seems terribly obvious that where there is fear intimacy is impossible. I knew that!
It's less obvious that so much of our lives, of my life, is dominated by fear.
When we are fearful, we are not free. Anxiety narrows our options, and our thinking becomes confused and inflexible.
When we are fearful, we can't possibly be present for another, much less present toward God.
What was shocking to me as I read this short chapter was that I realized that so much of my life has been dominated by fear: fear of pain, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, fear of.... ?
As I reflected on the people and structures and institutions around me, I recognized the same dynamic. We build structures to protect us from intimacy. We build structures to provide us with easy answers and obviate personal responsibility and decision making. Ultimately, those things we build in fear do protect us... they keep us safe from one another, from God, and from pain. Ultimately, they even keep us safe from... love.
Many years ago a very sharp Christian thinker wrote that, ""Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." (CS Lewis)
"The willingness to be born,--and this means the willingness to let go of all "certainties" and illusions,--requires courage and faith. Courage to let go of certainties, courage to be different and stand isolation." Erich Fromm, "The Creative Attitude"
Ultimately, the judgment we feel toward our neighbor is self-protection based in fear. So long as our neighbors are really "bad" then we can excuse ourselves from touching their lives.. after all, might we not be contaminated? Henri Nouwen writes that,
"To die to our neighbours is to stop judging them, to stop evaluating them, and thus become compassionate. Compassion can never co-exist with judgment because judgment creates the distance, the distinction, which prevents us from really being with the other." (The Way of the Heart)
Little children, let us not love in words alone but in word and in deed. For God is love. "Perfect love casts out fear."
That sounds pretty active, but I think we also need help. At any moment, choose peace. Ask the Lord to clothe you with His peace and fill you with His love and fear will flee.
More From "Lifesigns"
"When Jesus says, "Make your home in me as I make mine in you" (Jn.15) he offers us an intimate place that we can call home. Home is that place or space where we do not have to be afraid but can let go of our defenses and be free, free from worries, free from tensions, free from pressures. Home is where we can laugh and cry, embarce and dance, sleep long and dream quietly, eat, read, play, watch the fire, listen to music, and be with a friend. Home is where we can rest and be healed.. a good place to be, it is the house of love.
"But in this world millions of people are homeless. Some are homeless because of their inner anguish, while others are homeless because they have been driven from their own towns and countries. In prisons, mental hosptials, refugee camps, in hidden-away apartments, in nursing homes and overnight shelters we get a glimpse of homelessness.
"Speaking of himself as the vine and of his disciples as the branches, Jesus says: "Make your home in me." This is an invitation to intimacy. Then he adds: "Those who remain in me with me in them, bear fruit in plenty." This is an invitation to fecundity. Finally, when he says, "I have told you this so that your joy may be full," he promises ecstasy.
"There are two houses in this world: the house of fear, and the house of love.
"Though we think of ourselves as followers of Jesus, we are often seduced by the fearful questions of the world. WIthout realizing it, we become anxious, nervous people, caught in the questions of survival: our own survival,the survival of our friends, of our church, our country and our world. Once these questions become the guiding questions of our lives, we tend to dismiss words spoken from the house of love as unrealistic, sentimental, or just useless. When love is offered as an alternative to fear we say, "Yes, that sounds beautiful, but..." The "but" reveals how much we live in the grip of the world..."
"We are so accustomed to fear that we do not hear the voice that says, "Do not be afraid..." Yet it is this voice that announces a whole new way of living..."
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• © 2005-2007 Len Hjalmarson.•
Last Updated in April, 2007
